Well, I was indeed enjoying life at the fullest (so I thought).
Little did I know that I was far from that.
I keep repeating this for couple of reasons: one is that I do not want to forget where I come from, it helps me to be aware of where I am now and be grateful about it.
And the second is that half living or “unliving” is not something exclusive of me and I’m prompt to share how I got to the other side in the hope that many will join the path to live free from baggage and stuff.
I can illustrate it as having a switch that was off so I could only see and experience as much. If we wanna get more poetic:
My everyday was a flower I couldn’t smell -Looking at it was good but missing its fragrance meant missing its essence… AND PURPOSE.
I wasn’t very aware of this at that time thou; I was enjoying in my oblivion, I can’t even say I had a serious longing; I mean, I had some gaps here and there but I thought it was the regular anxiety and uncertainty, “normal stuff”.
Little did I know that soon enough everything was changing and those voids I had accepted to live with would be filled with hope and answers. My whole being was about to not only be full but would start pouring out.
I wasn’t endangering my life before but I was certainly wasting it. As much as I was in a good place -the sun rises and life is good overall- I wasn’t whole.
My gaps were limitations that kept me from experiencing the flower.
Then, my whole world view changed and all of my life after that. If somebody would have told me what I´m about to say I might have laughed, but it is true, I cannot lie or put make up to my own experience:
Little by little I started to realize my life wasn’t just a sum of coincidences, my life, my thoughts, my every single moments and everything around them were whispering at me:
It’s all done perfectly because God loves you…
then one day I ended up in a christian temple and the whisper became a loud, powerful shout, I began crying as I UNDERSTOOD:
God who is LOVE, infinite, perfect love, who knows my hidden self LOVES ME!
As soon as I believed it I was unchained, out of a cage, I became a free agent, free of judgment, free to be myself without any concern.
Not to become cynical and do whatever I wanted regardless of whom I hurt, but to love without shame. To love myself and to love others.
To pursuit the things in my heart knowing that, the everlasting creator of the universe, not only was on my side but has always been there.
Even more! Had already prepared everything for me to thrive.
I started gaining confidence, started learning what freedom means.
Now I could appreciate the whole taste of what was on my plate at the moment.
That lead me to trust that what was coming could only be better (it has), because it comes from Him, it comes from true love.
All of the things became meaningful, my apathy was dead. Excellence became the goal.
What could oppress my true self now? No human opinion surely, not even mine. I received that power.
Gratefulness for my new reality started kicking in, and, that is fuel!
Thinking about my “fellow humans” A.K.A brothers and sisters who like me, didn’t know the rich life God brings would start filling my heart with empathy.
Not a coincidence that Jesus instruction to human kind is TO LOVE. DO TO OTHERS AS YOU WANT THEM TO DO WITH YOU.
He encourages us to first find in ourselves what we ask others to give.
Jesus is a tender, effective teacher who keeps showing me wonders that motivate me to walk this path that keeps increasing in goodness.
I´m learning to live free, without the many complexes and deliriums I used to serve to.
As a witness and actor in this story I feel prepared to encounter what´s been prepared for me.
It´s amazing to know I had so much inside me, waiting for the opportunities and freedom to come out.
Writing and sharing all of this is only possible because of giving an honest shot at true relationships: with God, with me and with others (freedom).
Before all of these started to build me up I was far from being open to understand that there was much more pleasure to life than what I knew. Maybe I was scared to realize I wouldn´t have access to such things.
This version of reality was off my radar completely.
Like everything in life, knowledge was the door opener for this new found lifestyle.
To BELIEVE drives you to BE AND LIVE.
– Hello talent to word play.
…now let me just say this:
“The only barrier for the truth is to believe you already know it”
There’s much more to talk, but meanwhile this covers it.
With love, Adriana.