I remember very well while I was pregnant, being on my building’s elevator carrying this big amount of weight on my belly, coming to the realization right there of a feeling I had never felt:
It wasn’t a one dimensional feeling, I wasn’t just feeling joy for example, I remember unfolding it to the friend I was riding with saying:
I feel so much joy from living this present state while I’m also SO excited for it to be over and pass to the motherhood part. BUT I also feel so much peace that this time is perfect.
A perfect mix of present gratefulness, expectation and peace that came from observing the evidence pregnancy leaves:
A human life forms inside a mother’s body with no intervention or help. It’s all on track, if anything, we can try to set good conditions for this process to continue smoothly but that’s as far as we can go.
That had to mean that whatever is coming is already taken care of too. The future is as well taken care of as the present.
What was so big about this is that it lasted for all my pregnancy, I felt like that the whole pregnancy, imagine nine continuous months of:
No anxiety, no small or big depressions over big or small things, full on appreciation of the present which birthed full on trust on what the future holds, along with great excitement for what’s coming!
But then… pregnancy was over!
Why would all of this awesome sensations were over too? The hormonal bomb my body was absorbing was definitely taking over, in one hand.
But along with the biological part of the experience, I could identify yesterday, while I was anxiously obsessing about something, that I was currently missing a fundamental spiritual part as I was getting «more hands on» as a mother.
Back when I was pregnant I COULD ONLY cooperate and let life take its course but as my son was born I could take on activities, the responsibility of my results started to become overwhelming at times.
The fact that I knew these amazing things were happening inside me without my intervention would be an everyday VERY palpable, impossible to ignore indicator of how great God is and how much I can simply rest for things to literally come to life, come to existence because it’s all done by Him.
I knew that even the birth and pushing and all of that had already been taken care of, if my body had the power to produce life, then it would surely had the capacity to birth.
Even beyond, I could trust my son’s own self would know what to do.
And even if it didn’t because of whatever odd reason, even that was part of the perfect plan to favor life in my own life.
So, where does that leave me now?
Well, I have to realize:
If having good results was the root of my current anxiety:
What are good results then?
What’s the standard of a good result when each situation, family and individual is unique?
Who am I trying to satisfy by bringing those «good results»?
So, considering that anyone has the capability to judge with fairness what a good result is, because again, nobody can understand the unique circumstances and individualities joining into one result, then, nobody’s opinion, not even mine is gonna be fair to my efforts!
For that, the only and fittest solution has to be that doing my best efforts and trusting the results to God are where joy, satisfaction, peace and excitement are.
The one who knows the results beforehand, the one who is taking us into getting those results and the one who has judged us and his judgement has been to love us, no matter our results is on the steering wheel wand that is Exciting!